Tell Me
by Auburn Divinity
Summary: Something has happened—but what? Things are escalating—but to where? After Force's battle with Hiead could anything ever set things right again, could it possible be a waste to even try?


    The ever-cool senior repairer sat bolt upright on her narrow cot. One of her pale, trembling hands clutched at the thin material of the GOA regulation nightwear. Crushing the synthetic fabric, squeezing so tightly it cut the flow of blood, leaving her fingers stark white, she pressed the fist to her rapidly beating heart. With the back of her free hand she wiped the beads of sweat from her forehead. Her whole body was clammy and sticky with the perspiration.     Casting a wary glance around the girl made sure her roommate still slumbered peacefully. Quickly she removed the gray covers that clung to her body, pulling her legs from the tangled sheets that had wound themselves tightly around her limbs in her fitful sleep. The darkness seemed to intensify.     The chilly metallic floor sent a sharp and icy-cold pain shooting up her legs. She stifled a gasp at the shocking feeling that ended in a stinging sensation at the back of her knees. Each step brought the same pang and before reaching the door she wished for the relief of numbness to cover her entire body.     Inside the hall the lights were dimmed, leaving only enough illumination to see the objects closest to them. The floor there was just as cold as in the room but her senses had now become dulled. Cameras were set up in the hall; they were everywhere on GOA, always on, always monitoring everyone's actions. She paid little attention to them and didn't care whether they saw her or not.     Sometimes, Carres wondered if the people at the other end of the camera really saw what was happening. If they had then she wouldn't be here right now. If they watched so closely everything that went on, then why didn't they stop it? Or could it all be nothing, only a propaganda to make the candidates be cautious of their own actions. Everyone had their speculations about it and since only a few hours ago Carres now believed no one watched.     There was no risk for her now, even if someone was watching. It was safer to have _them _question her for being out of her quarters than to be questioned by her friends. The young girls would be more observant than anyone else. Her peers, the repairers she knew, would see instantly what had happened; see more clearly than the lens that may have captured the event.     Had she stayed in the room and awaken her roommate the result could have been one of many things. Each ending with the same outcome—all the time on GOA wasted.     The bathroom door slid shut and she locked it behind her—no eyes in here. For several minutes she paced the floor, her feet padding softly. Finally yielding to curiosity she glanced in the mirror.     "Damn it." Her words filled the small room, slightly echoing off the walls before being swallowed by the silence. Yet as she repeated them they held no rage, no hate, no anger; only regret.     Carres' shoulder length blond hair was slightly disheveled. Her eyes were stern and piercing, contradictory to her petite face, gentle features, and soft pale lips that smiled in the most interesting curve. Her goals were clear and she would do anything to achieve them, and in doing so sometimes appeared cold, harsh, and rigid to all but those who she let be close to her.     Carefully the teenager pulled the neck of her shirt away to examine the coloring portion of her body. It wasn't as bad as she had feared.     "Damn it," she muttered again. "At least I can hide them," Carres added in thought.  
    With a quick jab and a kick at the inoffensive wall she crumpled to the floor, withdrawing into herself and mumbling, "Damn it," over and over again.  
    Tears never came. The violent wave of anger that threatened to break on her and plunge her deeper into desolation rolled on, and she was left with nothing but a cold floor and the sinking fear of despair. Defiantly Carres plastered on the face of indifference and walked back into her room to lie wide-awake with her own thoughts.   
    Force joined the senior candidates late; eyes red and bloodshot, movements sluggish. He winced as the instructor clapped his notebook to get the attention focused on training. Aracd tried to goad the impassive boy into conversation, and after several failed attempts decided against the idea. The blue-haired candidate, while never being the lead conversationalist of the group, was not always as closed-mouthed as he made himself now. He seemed to ignore the presence of everyone, even the instructor and his partner repairer. Resting against the wall, Force Wartlliam watched the blurry world through half-lidded eyes. Arms folded over his stomach he tried to still the churning hollow void as every muscle in his body sorely stiffened.   
    Carres had been there before him, actually before everyone. She had left the room just as her roommate was beginning to wake-up. Yoshino and Una had joined her only minutes before everyone else. The solemn gray-haired youth had watched Carres as she briefly replied when people spoke to her. He noticed that her hair was done different, though he couldn't quite figure what had changed. The room was warm and the close quarters made it all the more uncomfortable, but Carres was still wearing her jacket, her face slightly flushed, the other repairers had theirs off or had at least rolled up the sleeves.   
    Una nudged her partner and implored with her shining eyes. "You know something," she whispered.  
    Yoshino was about to respond to this but she quickly went on in a quiet tone, "I don't need an explanation." Looking closer she added, "In fact I don't want to know. But since you do know something, please ask her if she's okay."  
    "Una, you know she won't answer me."  
    "Try anyway."  
    "Is there a reason you can't ask?" he pleaded.  
    "The chances of me getting an answer, especially a truthful answer, are less than yours, because as I have already stated—you know something."  
    Yoshino folded under the flawed reasoning of her rebuttal, he couldn't help a befuddled glance at his repairer. He approached Carres casually, waiting to gain her attention before asking, "Are you all right?"  
    She glared at him, the same appearance of indifference on her face, the same stern look in her steely eyes that she had fixed there in the early morning. 'All right,' a definition needed to be presented. If it meant anything between 'are you going to survive' and 'do you feel like hell' the answer was yes. If it meant anything else, the answer was no.  
    Seeing her reluctance to answer, Yoshino pressed another question, "Is anything wrong?"  
    "I'm fine."  
    "Are you sure? You don't seem to be yourself."  
    He asked, she answered, and he contradicted her, like she didn't know for herself if anything was wrong. Though Carres was acting normal, even if Yoshino said she didn't seem to be, it was a forced, hollow display of how she usually acted.   
    Curtly, Carres replied, "I said I was fine. I should know better than you."  
    Not convinced, Yoshino ventured one last question, "Did anything happen after I left last night?"  
    "Now is not the time to talk," Carres changed the subject, "Una's waiting for you."  
    Yoshino watched her form from the corner of his eye for the rest of the lessons.  
    It hadn't started last night, or even that morning. This mood, this situation; it had been escalating stealthily, perhaps longer than any suspected, until it reached the peak. A long and slow assent that no one could have noticed, one that Carres hadn't seen until it was too late. Small changes, nearly invisible, but when she looked back every word, every action seemed so hard to miss.  
    "Why didn't I see it?" Carres admonished herself for being an idiot, cursing herself for everything she could see now but had missed then.   
    "Damn it," the blonde mumbled yet again. In the past six or so hours she must have used her supply of those phrases, 'why' and 'damn it,' amply applying them when frustrated.   


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

  
    He couldn't stand to even look at him; it was like trying to stomach rotten fruit that even insects would be reluctant to land on. The vermilion-eyed candidate, a rookie Force viewed as a cocky, cold, cruel, eyesore. More than the senior candidate's pride was injured when they battled in the pro-ings. Erts had made goddess before him, a small slice to his pride, one that eventually could be overlooked, but when that newbie challenged him it was grinding salt into a fresh wound. How could he be anything but outraged? To be defeated was bad enough, but to be beaten in that way, hammered relentlessly, thrashed like a rag doll was intolerable.   
    He felt this way, and yet despite it all Force couldn't move his eyes from their fixed gaze at the visage of Hiead Gner, as if staring at the boy could bore holes in his body; literally drill into the exterior shell and reveal the innards of a demon. The weeks in the infirmary, time meant for healing the physical injuries as well as the soul, were days instead spent brooding; long intervals when he could think of nothing else but that battle. Here it was the first day out; a chance to prove the incident hadn't fazed him in the slightest and he could do nothing to control his eyes as he mechanically ate, trying to keep the meal down.  
    Carres came and sat across from her partner; she said nothing, noticed nothing. Constant chatter filled the room, someone passed, cutting his line of vision, derailing his train of thought. For the first time he acknowledged the presence of the girl sitting near him. The blonde too had shared in his scorn for number eighty-seven and Force couldn't help but wonder if her stomach churned in revolt when she came near Hiead.  
    Several more weeks continued in the same manor; without incident, without change. Everyone seemed to be under the impression that nothing had been altered, his weeks' absence was only vaguely referred to in a few conversations. Carres expected the same performance in everything that was required of him and he expected no less of his partner. She alluded once, briefly and with great concern, how much they need to catch up and prove they were the top. Force never realized what faith she had in his abilities. Was it his state of mind or lack of contact with others, her smile, iridescent and bewitching, though ephemeral, was amazing and her eyes appeared to hold a look of admiration; for him?  
    "Hey, I guess you really are back." Aracd patted Force on the back, a broad and congenial grin accenting the usual enthusiasm he affixed to everything.  
    "What constitutes the '_really_?'"  
    "You kicked butt today. I would think you'd need much more time to get back to normal after that battle with the rookie." Clueless to the ridged change in Force's carriage, Aracd went cheerily on, "So how about we celebrate your true return tonight?"  
    "Whatever," Force curtly replied, rolling his eyes.  
    As planed the senior candidates, numbers one through four, met after classes and meals were finished. The small party gathered in remote corner of GOA where they could 'celebrate' uninterrupted. The grin on Aracd's face had not changed, he boisterously chatted, though replies to his numerous comments were few and very often monosyllabic. Once, and only once, Force smiled or smirked, or maybe a muscle spasm in his check caused the corner of his lips to curl slightly, but whatever _it _was it was a change.  
    "Why are you all so boring? Come on liven up—It's not like having some fun is going to kill you," the spirited youth announced jubilantly, jabbing Yoshino's rib as an incentive to become more exuberant. Arcad nimbly dodged when the somber gray-haired candidate tried to return the favor. The little scene did seem to gain the desired effect; the other boys did show a little more enthusiasm.   
    "Bust his nose; that might 'living things up,'" Force encouraged Yoshino in a subdued voice.  
    "I was hoping I wouldn't have to do this." Arcad ducked out of the room returning moments later with some bottles.  
    "Are you damaged?" Sure questioned. "Where did you get that?"  
    Smirking, Arcad replied, "All matters of this acquisition are kept in complete confidentiality. If I told you I'd have to kill you."  
    The answer certainly satisfied no one's curiosity, but none of the candidates really seemed too concerned about the origin of the liquor, each drinking in turn after the initial shock wore off. Tongues were loosened after the bottle made a few trips around and it appeared that everyone seemed accustomed to the bitter taste of the amber liquid. A conversation ensued in which Force renounced the previous idea that Arcad was a complete idiot. The former mood of apathy changed into one of feeble festivities. Tones in their voices were almost jovial as they exchanged witty banter, though the subject was somewhat somber. Slowly as they drained the bottles, Force drinking just a little more than his share, the room became quite once again; a lull in conversation, pristine comfortable silence, but only for a brief interlude.   
    The 'festivities' were interrupted just as the stillness became most enjoyable. As she stormed into the small gathering Kyoko Farly's expression could only be that of the monsters in Arcad's worst nightmares. Within seconds she had managed to clear the room of alcohol and candidates; an amazing feat. Force left with the others but doubled back when Kyoko's attention was more focused on her wayward partner than herding everyone else. Preoccupied with whatever trying thought was on his mind the blue-haired candidate failed to notice Yoshino following close behind.   
    GOA might have been void of people for them, nothing disturbed the silence and the only apparent sound was their rhythmic breathing. Together they waited; sitting, standing, staring at metallic gray floors, waiting. Waiting for someone to say something, for either of them to do something, maybe just waiting for an instructor to come and redirect them, whatever it was they didn't seem quit sure.   
    "Do you think I'll make Goddess?"  
    Yoshino appeared shaken from a daze, the sudden question nearly knocking him over.  
    Force punched the stone-cold wall, sending a resounding thud slicing through the still air. "Everything is so screwed up. You don't think I'll make it back to where I was? No one believes I'll recover the top position. This is so screwed! You don't think I'll do it, do you? Do you?" With each question his booming voice became even louder.   
    "My opinion won't make a difference."  
    "What is that," Force scoffed at his comrade's remark, "the safe answer; an apparition that means nothing but might make a reasonable response?"  
    The other boy shrugged, it wasn't like a verbal answer was needed.  
    "Arcad, that jerk, he's so sure of himself."  
    "He's sure of something alright, but his repairer isn't." Then as though reflecting on another person's words he added, "Confidence is so fleeting."  
    "Since you aren't any help, I think I'll leave."  
    The halls were easy to navigate but Force seemed to be taking an indirect route to wherever he was heading. Yoshino, concerned about his companion, followed; though for no reason to his understanding could he justify this course of action. Directly in front of the first door in the long hall of repairs' rooms Force halted briefly then proceeded immediately to Carres' room. He opened the door and, though he didn't yell, loudly called for his partner. Carres passed his line of vision and walked to the doorway moments later, looking just a little less than pleased to see him.  
    Jumping straight to the point, skipping all formalities and explanations, Force bluntly stated, "Goddess?"  
    Reasonably confused, the blonde could only focus her steely blue eyes on his face and imagine why he was behaving like this. She could smell the alcohol on his breath but didn't think anything of it. A few more moments of silence passed as Force realized something more needed to be said.  
    "I need to ask you something."  
    "Ask away."  
    "Somewhere else," replied Force, becoming more conscious of the other person in the room behind his repairer and the sounds of people at the far end of the hall.  
    Carres abandoned the doorway, sliding the door shut and taking a few steps to the right before replying, "Keep your voice down, and here's fine. What do you want to ask me?"  
    "No, damn it." He grabbed her wrist squeezing with more pressure than he had intended. Naturally she tried to pull away but Force's grip tightened. His fingers, had they even been slightly sharp, would have pierced her pale skin and as she twister her arm once again to try and free it Carres felt as though he had cut her.  
    "Why? There's nobody else."  
    "Just come on."  
    The blonde repairer took no time to debate within herself and decide if she should persist on staying, go with her partner, or return to her room. Without thinking Carres followed the ardent candidate.  
    They only need to travel a rather short distance, not even enough time for her to doubt her choice, before Force found an empty cueval training room he deemed appropriate. He entered first, leaving them to follow at their own discretion. With his back turned to both Yoshino and Carres, Force slowly repeated his earlier question, "Do you think I'll make goddess?"  
    Taken aback by the mere austerity of the question and finally confronted with verbal proof of his doubts, Carres could only stumble over some generic answer; a half-hearted, semi-regurgitated phrase.  
    "If you work harder and catch up. The battle with number eighty-seven just set us back a bit." The repairer couldn't say Hiead's name and when she finished speaking Carres felt how void of meaning the words were.  
    "Don't give me that crap! You sound just like everyone else."  
    Pulled into his anger, Carres yelled back, "What am I supposed to say? I can't give you an answer when I don't know."  
    "Make one up then," Force stepped closer to his partner with a threatening gait, hands clenched.  
    "Calm down, lower your voice," Yoshino admonished in a commanding yet friendly manner.  
    "Stay out of this! Don't you have something better to do?"  
    "Not really." The somber pilot turned to speak to Carres, "I'll walk you back to your room. I think this can wait for another time."  
    "Leave then, but I'm not finished talking with Carres, she hasn't answered me."  
    "Carres said all she could. What do you expect from her?"  
    "That load of bull! You're just as full of it as she is."  
    "Stop it Force," Carres tried to end the bickering but her voice was drowned out.  
    "It's not her fault you lost to Hiead Gner; she can't fix your mistake."  
    The comment wasn't intended as a blow but it still stung. Rage seemed to emanate from every part, every cell in his body, Force could say nothing more than a one word response, almost hissed through gritted teeth; "Leave!"  
    "Okay! We'll leave." His reply held just as much vehemence as his comrade's. Yoshino looked at the blonde, letting her know without words that the choice really was hers.  
    "I think I'll stay for a little bit," Carres told him in a voice Force couldn't hear.  
    Against his better judgment Yoshino left without trying to convince the girl to join him. She had seen the heated fire kindle in Force's eyes at the harsh remark from the other candidate and could not desert him. Carres kept her distance from the boy but never let her eyes wander from their fixed gaze. What could she do? The repairer wondered why she was there. Could everything be fixed if she just stayed with him?  
    "I need you to tell me Carres, will I make goddess?" a pitiful plea, the first noise to break the quit that lay like a spell.  
    "I don't know."   
    "Tell me! Damn it! Say it!"   
    "Say what? I don't know what you want! I can't just answer yes or no, it's not that simple." Her voice matched the fierceness in his tone but it didn't possess the same power and intensity.  
    "How about giving me the truth instead of this crap."   
    "I am." She couldn't lie to him; even if she wanted to, Carres could not. The answer he seemed to need so desperately, the words he thought she must say, whatever they were, wouldn't come because she herself didn't know what they might be. The reassurance that he so distraughtly wanted to hear was somewhere she couldn't seem to go.  
    "Bull! Say what you really mean." He paused as if to give her time to respond, but Force cut her off before she felt the full effect of what he had said."You don't believe I can do it. Secretly you're waiting to see me lose. Yoshino and you should start a Hiead fan-club; you both think he's stronger."  
    "Force, he didn't mean anything by that."  
    "But it's the truth. You won't say it isn't."  
    "That's not what happened. It's not right." Carres once again couldn't find the appropriate words to say what she wanted. As a repairer she had learned how to quickly restore the pro-ings to working order, sometimes even improve its function, but the blonde could conceive no possible solution to fix this; a person is not simply repaired by replacing parts. She couldn't instill even the slightest bit of hope.  
    "It was wrong. Now you say it—everything was a mistake. It was impossible for me to beat Hiead, that's what you think." Force's face went livid as he pronounced the name in reference to the battle.  
    "You misunderstood. I didn't say that, listen." Her plaintive request went unheeded.  
    "It's not what you said but it is what you meant."  
    "No, listen," Carres implored, "I meant…"  
    Force firmly grabbed her, his thumbs pressing hard just below her collar bone as he shoved her. Carres grabbed his wrists trying to pry them from her body, pushing against his arms in an attempt to keep herself from smashing into the wall. Her strength wasn't enough to keep him back, she bumped into it with a dull thump and he ignored her plea to let go.  
    "Say it, it's what you really meant isn't it? Isn't it?" As he repeated the question he jerked her body once more causing her to hit the wall again. "Tell me; say it, we should never have been partnered."  
    Carres released her grip on his wrists, letting her arms fall almost limply to her side. Unconvinced that this was what he said, she made no reply.  
    "It's what you think; you no longer believe in me, tell me Carres." Force's tone peaked, his voice echoing of the walls; he teetered on the edge, fighting with his emotions, barely able control them.  
    "I don't think that."   
    "Give me the truth. Say it, I'm a failure." He once again slammed her into the wall and then let go. Force pulled one hand back bringing it forward with accelerated speed, Carres turned her head to escape the fist but it collided with the wall. To hide as best she could from his brutal gaze she kept her head lowered.   
    "Tell me." His hands were back on her shoulders, pinning her to the wall.  
    Carres bit her lips, closed her steal-blue eyes and inhaled deeply, then the blonde shook her head no, sending the loose waves of her hair falling onto his hands, the gossamer strands mingled with his fingers. "I can't."  
    "Tell me. Say it. I'm a failure—a loser."  
    "I can't." Her voice faulted but she had repeated it again.  
    Force's hands where now loosely placed around her neck, her fingers curled around his wrists.   
    "Tell me, say it, I'm a Failure—a loser," pushing his thumbs against her windpipe Force repeated his demand.  
    "I can't say that." Carres couldn't move her head; her eyes held all her pain as she unwaveringly repeated the straightforward phrase. She let go of him, her breath was shallow and jagged, her chest rising and falling rapidly.  
    "Tell me! Say it! Carres!"  
    "I can't." Carres wouldn't lie to him; couldn't lie to him. She brushed his upper arm with the tips of her fingers, running her nails gently up his smooth skin. "I can't say that, I don't believe it."  
    Force joined the senior candidates late his eyes severely bloodshot, his movements sluggish, but he wasn't the only one. The youth hadn't slept well; something played on his mind as though part dream,part reality, and all terrible. He winced as the instructor clapped his notebook to get the attention focused on training. Resting against the wall, the blue-haired candidate watched the blurry world through half-lidded eyes, arms folded over his stomach, trying to still the churning hollow void as every muscle in his body sorely stiffened.   
    Carres had been there before him, actually before everyone. Though he appeared to be disinterested in everything surrounding him his attention frequently focused back on the blonde. Something was wrong, she seemed so distant and cold; he recalled saying some fairly hash things to her last night, but pieces were missing. Yoshino approached her and they talked briefly, Force felt like punching him but a reason didn't make itself known.  
    Force had never done as bad in the training sessions in his entire history on GOA. The instructor aimed his complete vocabulary of insults at the defenseless youth, though not all of the complaints were focused on him, the teacher did have a few unpleasant comments on the others' performance. Even with his headache and the noise, Force's full attention was on Carres. He thought he had heard Yoshino ask her if anything had happened but he couldn't really remember.   
    After class he roamed the near empty corridors. Carres was there at the end of the hall with Yoshino's repairer, Una. They were talking, though the conversation was somewhat one-sided and the smaller girl seemed very concerned. He wanted to talk with his repairer alone and figured Una would be parting company with Carres soon anyway. The blue-haired candidate tried hard to think of the night before, so he would be able to confront her knowing fully what had happened.   
    "I can't," Carres answered the question Una asked. Force heard it so clear, he tried to listen to the rest of their discussion but couldn't hear anything else; he could still see their mouths moving though, so they hadn't stopped talking. They left, Force wanted to catch up with them but found his body unable to move.   
    "She can't what?" Force questioned himself repeating in a low voice, "I can't."  
    Then he recalled the pieces that were missing earlier. Slowly it came back; he shoved her and pinned her to the wall, she was fighting back but not getting anywhere. Force remembered swinging at the wall, so near her face, but his intent was never to strike her, and how after that she wouldn't look at him.   
    Force used the wall for support as the blunt weight of this reality hit him. He massaged his temples, little by little sliding down the wall, lowering himself to the floor. Asking himself aloud, "Why wouldn't she say it?"   
    Now that he recalled last night the image wouldn't leave; his hands wrapped so tight around her slender neck, she didn't fight anymore, she didn't scream. "You're usually so stubborn Carres; you would never allow me…" Force's regret played with the words he spoke. "Why didn't you fight?"  
    With his arms fully extended, his thumbs crushing her throat, he had held her pinned to the wall, yelling the same command, she didn't cry, she didn't give in. He thought of her face then, right at that moment when she looked at him, gazing straight into his eyes; without tears, without panic, only the pain that was so apparent, she just stood there. Force rubbed the arm that she had tenderly caressed, "Why did you let me hurt you?"  


~*~*~*~*~*~*~

^_^ Happy authoress running around singing, *I finished! I'm actually finished!*  


Next coherent phrase to escape her lips, "Any comments out there?"

I had hoped to make it short but somehow it didn't happen (Like I ever believed it would.) Well it ended and above making it short I wanted to finish it, so I can still be happy. I'd love to hear anything anyone could say about this little ficlet, be it praise, complaint, or telling me I used its instead of it's. Did I spell all the names correctly? I hope it wasn't confusing. 

Is the way the story is formatted annoying? 


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